On Liberation

One of the most liberated years of my life was a year spent teaching English in rural Japan. It wasn't an easy year. I had both euphoric highs and some of my most desperate lows ever. So why such liberation? I believe it came down to finding myself outside the usual social pressures to conform.

Japan might seem like a strange place for liberation. Isn't Japan renowned for rigid social structures and group cultural norms? "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down" and all that? Yes, but I didn't fit in, and I couldn't fit in. Not really. I tried to join in, and I worked hard to carve a role for myself in my workplace and community. But while I could do that, I couldn't belong. A 'gaijin' is just that - an outside person.

It took a while. I had to get used to looks, and pointing, and exclamations in my direction - often simply for just being a foreigner - something I couldn't change or adjust, and which in the long run probably helped. It certainly helped that I didn't know enough of the Japanese language to understand specific comments. Incomprehension freed me from the sting of people's words. And as I grew more accustomed, I also found it rarely hurt as much as I would have expected it to. My fear of disapproval, disagreement or condemnation proved... excessive.

I had to become accustomed to getting it wrong, no matter how hard I tried. In one short year, there was no way I could master the subtleties and subtexts that riddle any foreign culture, so I blundered all over the place, often oblivious to my errors and faux pas. And I gradually found that that too wasn't all that big a deal. I could just roll with it.

After the initial distress that all this caused me... after much weeping and gnashing of teeth... it became liberating!

Outside the norm despite myself, I began to make the most of my new found status, and the opportunities it afforded. I did more of what I wanted to do, more of what I believed in, and more of what I personally thought made sense - not just what was expected of me.

Like what?
I walked barefoot through town.
I socialised as extravagantly as I liked.
I quit following the pointless rules at work.
I climbed trees!
I biked way up into the mountains, and ran remote trails, on my own.
I said outright what I thought, what I liked, and what I didn't.
I danced in my living room, and played on the swings in the school grounds.

These are small things, unexceptional things. Childish, playful, enjoyable things. These weren't rebellions, and I was not trying to be radical. They were just examples of me doing what came naturally to me, instead of trying to do or say what the majority, or those in authority, expected. I guess some people may read this list and think it laughably trivial. But I'm not describing revolution, I'm describing a small personal liberation.

And what were the consequences of my actions? Increased freedom, confidence, self-respect and delight in the world.