Does The World Conspire Against You?

There's no shortage of inspirational quotes, telling us to follow our bliss, commit ourselves to impossible targets, dream big and dare to fail.

There's also no lack of useful and informative books and websites telling us how to make our dreams come true, how to identify our goals, how to draw up our step-by-step road maps to success.

But without an awareness of how the status quo conspires against you, you have to be damn lucky just to get past Go. 

That's what I'm interested in: unpicking the cultural and psychological forces that inhibit, sabotage and crush all those giddy dreams for a better life.

Once unpicked, it's so much easier to push forward.

Image by cameronparkins

A Badly Dressed Woman

I've been getting fashion-envy a lot lately.  As I go about my daily business, I catch myself eyeing up other people's threads. But its not the usual stunners who're attracting my attention, and there are good reasons for that.

A Badly Dressed Woman
The other day, I gazed with admiration at a really badly dressed woman.  She broke all 'the rules' of good dress sense, and seemed to have a total disregard for the effect of her overall ensemble.  She was neither stylish, nor quirky.  This was not an intentional statement of non-conformity and individualism, packaged in some self-consciously retro combination of vintage, high street and designer.  No.  I think (though I didn't ask her) that this was a true and genuine case of just not caring.  How liberating!

So what was she wearing?  She wore blue jogging bottoms with a lilac polyester blouse and cheap granny pumps.  Her hair was straggly, thin, and all over the place.  There wasn't the slightest smudge of make-up.  If she were a client of a learning disability or mental health service, her appearance would probably be prompting all sorts of earnestly judgemental case discussions.

But this was no poor soul in need of social work intervention.  This was a lecturer in neuroscience, standing before me to lead a tutorial that was mindblowingly good.

I contemplated her appearance, and her lecture, and thought... 'wow.'

I'm As Bad As Anyone
Ok, so I'd noticed her for her pigs ear of an outfit, and evidently made a negative assessment of it, so I'm as bad as any other shallow individual for whom clothes form the basis of how people are judged.  But on reflection, she personified for me a principal frequently paid lip-service to, but rarely lived.

We all tell each other that 'appearances aren't everything' to make ourselves feel better for not being supermodels.  But most of us still strive to look the best we can, and we spend not inconsiderable sums of money to help us. 

I've as much neuroses as the next person about how I look, but lately I've been noticing the people who don't bother themselves overly much with their appearances, and thinking there's something to aspire to there.

Freedom From The Fashion-Police
Think about where this compulsion to have to look better comes from.  There's something inbuilt into human nature no doubt, psychologists would be able to tell me all about all the evolutionary and contemporary advantages of looking good.  I'm not daft nor blind, I'm aware of all that.  But I also think that we live in a culture that pushes messages at us day in day out to make us feel insecure enough to buy our way to beauty so that we can be sexier/more successful/happier/etc.  Not because it'll work, but because it feeds the economy, feeds businesses, feeds wealth (other people's), and feeds the cycle that makes as many people as possible feel the same way.

What About You?
Can you honestly say you're not affected by all that?  Have you already mastered this little life-hack to more freedom and less anxiety in life?  If so, how'd you do it?! 

There's a freedom in rejecting the priorities of appearance and physical conformity.  I'm all about freedom.

So, perhaps, it's time to test my courage, time to start dressing primarily for function, and not caring too much how it looks.  Not to go wilfully ugly just to be contrary, that's of no use to anyone!  But to just focus on 'enough' rather than more, more, more.

How much difference will it make to my life?  Now, there's an experiment for a rainy day...

Image by fictures

What Do I Do Here?

Sunday morning, the clocks went back an hour last night, and most of the UK is relishing 'an extra hour in bed.'  An extra hour in bed doesn't excite me too much, I like being up and about when the roads are quiet and my neighbours sleep. 

I'm out walking the dog as the sun breaks cover over the crest of Spittal Hill.  The moors glow shades of pink and peach, the wind is cold.  I treasure these moments, when I have the world to myself.

As I walk, I think.  I think about this blog, and what I do here.  I no longer run, and its taken months to accept that.  But I still have my dreams of doing interesting things, I still have my doubts about the systems and routines and expectations that make those interesting dreams so difficult to attain.

So, it's pretty simple really, I'll just go back to writing about all those systems that bug me so much.

Hey presto, hallelujah, abrakedabra, all sorted. 

Tune in next time for more tales of cynicism, negativity, doubt and determination.  I'm beginning to think that might be what I do best!

Image by stevendepolo

Half Cut: Long Gone

It's Saturday night. I sit at my desk, King Creosote crooning beside me.  A half-drafted work of fiction has turned my eyes square.  A half-stitched quilt has looped loops into my eyeballs.  A half-drunk bottle of red wine makes my world wobble.  The weekend is half-gone, I am half-cut, it's good to have time for all this.  G'night.

Most excellent felt eyeballs by ingermaaike2

How My Bank Wasted My Time Asking Me Stupid Questions: And Still Made Me Happy

A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from one of those call-centre marketing surveys, asking me all sorts of questions about how I perceived my bank.  In general, I perceive banks as scum.  Strangely though, that wasn't one of the questions.  At no point during the phonecall was I asked to rank my bank on a scale of one to ten, where one is not remotely scummy, and ten is the pinnacle of high-scumdom.  What they did ask me was loads of very stupid questions.

For example, 'on a scale of one to ten, how likely are you  to recommend this bank's ATMs?'  Who recommends ATMs? 

Anyway, I digress. 

This banking survey did ask me one very useful question.  It asked me whether I'd seen any of their adverts.  My answers were as follows:

• TV - no (don't have one).
• Cinema - no (the nearest cinema is well over 100 miles away, and I haven't been for nearly two years).
• Billboards - no (do you do billboards on sheep?  clouds?  moorland?  ruined crofting villages?).
• Newspapers & Magazines - don't think so (do you do ads in the local paper?  Haven't noticed. Otherwise, I don't generally bother with print media).
• Internet - possibly (I am an internet junkie, so I probably have, but I'm not sure advertising works in quite the same way online, I never ever click through on ads, I'm not sure I even see them...).

This information probably wasn't all that useful to the bank.  But it was incredibly useful to me.

I now realise that I live a life with fairly limited exposure to advertising.  

This is a good thing, a great thing.  It isn't something I ever set out to do.  But, after moving to the sticks and ditching the TV a couple of years ago so that I'd have more time in my life to do the things that matter to me, I did begin to become aware that I was... happier.  That's the only word for it.  Happier.  And only part of that happiness is due to doing more stuff that I like to do.  A crucial factor is that I no longer have a constant stream of messages coming at me, telling me:

You could be so much happier if... so much cooler if... so much more attractive if... so much more efficient if... so much more enviable if... so much more successful if...  so much sexier if... so much more relaxed if... so much better if...  so much cleaner if... so much more fragrant if... so much more beautiful if... so much thinner if...

I'm not trying to sell you anything, but honestly:

You could be so much happier if... you cut the sources of advertising out of your life.

This article was made possible by the Bank of Scum.

Picture by Alan Cleaver

Back From The Void

I've been gone for ages.  I almost deleted Traildreamer.  And then, a week or so ago, I was travelling north on the train, rushing through hours of total black-out darkness, mind numb and backside aching (those seats do get uncomfortable), when this long-forgotten little blog bubbled up out of nowhere and called me back.  So I'm back.

I was seduced, for a long time, by all sorts of problogger advice, all sorts of entrepreneurial dreams, and I read up and studied all round the realm of Blogistan for tips and tricks to blog better.  What happened?  I blogged worse.  I tried to develop a 'proper' voice.  Did I get one?  No, all I did was nearly lose the only one I've got.  I messed around with self-hosting Wordpress, and got it all set up lovely, but it wasn't me.  I was clunky and awkward, like an insecure teenager in braces trying to be something I wasn't, I'm not, never will be, never want to be.  Quit trying to run with the cool kids.  It's all flash and mirrors anyway.

I'm happier here.  I am Traildreamer, I am nearly anonymous, I don't flash my name and identity about for all to see in the hope of building a brand or a tribe, trust or community, though there are folks who know who I am and its not a secret as such.  That is just not the function of this blog.  I've nothing to sell, so sod it with all the sales and marketing.  I'm just me, footering about with thoughts and ideas, that I may feel strongly, but I don't want to shout from the rooftops.  The rooftops round here are pretty low anyway, I live in a region of crofts and cottages and vast empty spaces. 

So hello again.  Though I know I speak out into the void.  That's part of the pleasure.  Hello again.

Image by cod_gabriel

Goodbye 2009

It's a new year!  Cheerio 2009, it's been mighty fine, and well helllloooo 2010.  There's loads of good posts kicking around the blogsophere just now, everyone seems to be having a think about what 2009 meant for them so, ach, I reckon I'll jump on the bandwagon too. 

In 2009 I:

• Left the big city behind.  Hopefully forever.
• Moved out to the back of beyond in the Scottish Highlands.  When Tim Ferriss talks about his 'remote working arrangements' he only knows half the story.
• Landed a fabulous new job with a fabulous small company.
• Tried working from home.  It really does rock by the way.
• Injured my ankle.  Repeatedly. 
• Gained a lot of weight.
• Lost some of it.
• Didn't run two marathons.
• Tried a gluten-free, dairy-free diet.  Not as bad as I was expecting...
• Did my first course with the OU.  Then immediately did another one.  The OU beats every other university I've ever studied with. 
• Celebrated two years with my wonderful man.  To mark the occasion, went to a comedy ceilidh, complete with flashing sporrans and hula hoop solos.  Hula hoops should be part of life more often.
• Was interviewed for a newspaper.  I'm not including the link, because it really was so embarrassing.  A media darling I am not.
• Got chickens!
• Abandoned Traildreamer.
• Resurrected Traildreamer.  Missed you baby.
• Wrote poems that made me giggle.
• Wrote stories that gave a friend's 6 year old daughter nightmares.  Note to friends, my stories are not children's fiction, no matter how childish they may seem.
• Bought a kick-ass bike.  Kicked ass, by bike, for miles in every direction.
• Spent oodles of quality time with family.
• Didn't travel overseas at all, not even once (unless you count a long weekend in the Orkney Isles.  Stromness is great, but it ain't Maui).

Overall, I've had a fabulous year.  Chickens must bring you luck.  What about you?  What did you do, or not do, this year?  Would chickens help?  Or hula hoops maybe?

Image of hula hoops by otherthings

Happy New Year

How To Find Your Blogging Voice?

All the 'how to blog better' advice always goes on about how you should blog about your passion. If you do, it'll come through in your posts, instantly making you more interesting and more likely to make your fortune from the comfort of your living room.

I agree that you should blog about something you're passionate about - why would you want to regularly sit down and write about something you find dull? Surely even the motive of finding your internet business cash cow wouldn't really be motivation enough to buckle down to it, when it comes to the slow drip feed that building up a blog takes. Post by post, day by day, one new reader at a time...

But writing passionately isn't an automatic route to great content. Finding your passion is different from finding your voice. I've been doing this Traildreamer blog for over a year now. It stems from various interests and passions, it has tracked aspects of my journey. I know I don't do much of what you're 'supposed to' if you want to increase traffic and make money, but I do feel I have found my 'voice' for this blog and I have a small number of readers who check in regularly. When I have something I want to say, it flows very naturally and I enjoy it. I hope that comes through in the reading of it. I'll never be a pro, but I get a lot of satisfaction out of this blog.

I've recently started a new blog, one that links much more closely to my professional interests, and I hope may lead to my own business in some way in the future. I'm not ready to add a link here to it, because I really haven't found my voice over there yet. Each post is clunky and awkward. The content is scatty. The focus switches. I'm trying to write about professional interests that get me really worked up, excited and enthused on a daily basis in my 'real life', but finding a way to talk about it coherently and consistently in a blog is proving unexpectedly tricky. This is stuff I do all day, but it's not stuff I've ever written about or even talked about much.

I've noticed this clumsiness in other blogs I've followed, as they switched from being personal journeys or philophy of life musings to something more strategic. I'll not name them, that would be indiscrete, but I'm guessing it's something that happens quite often. I'd love to know what others think about this. Have you seen the process in blogs you've followed? Have you been through that transition yourself and can offer some advice?

I don't yet know how to find your blogging voice. But I need a new one, and I'm going to be working on finding it. I'll let you know how I get on.

Image from Beverly & Pack

Travelling Gets Into Your Blood

There's been a rush of Hobopoet posts in the past 24 hours (see here), after months of barely anything. For many years Hobopoet was my favourite blog, before he switched from blogspot to his own domain and then promptly seemed to lose the thread of his hobopoet journey.

A new post from AJ usually gives me a wee boost, redirecting my mind back to the priorities of freedom and voluntary simplicity again. In recent months I've strayed from these priorities, because I've reached what might be described as a 'happy medium.' I've landed a great job doing something I love. And I'm living somewhere I love too - I've left the cities behind, and have the space and solitude of the Scottish Highlands to enjoy every day. A happy medium is a great place to be. Maybe the happy medium is the goal I've been chasing, the word 'medium' irrelevant? Is that word 'happy' the true bottom line? I can't complain, and don't much anymore... Except...

It can't last. My contract is for three years, and then... what? Funding dries up, and we're all back out on the street looking for jobs again. It's silly to worry about what I'll do in three years time, and I don't worry about it exactly. I feel more confident than ever before in my life. But I do feel in my bones that I couldn't bear to go back to working out of an office, with a boss who micromanages, and the autonomy and creativity I enjoy in this job firmly squashed. I couldn't stand to submit again to the senseless bureaucracy and hierarchical systems that dominate most jobs in the sector I work in. I'd hate to shelve all the projects that I can pursue in this job, projects that make a difference to my clients and excite me to pieces, and just go back to doing what I'm told and no more.

And, although I've hung up my travelling shoes and stashed my backpack at the back of a cupboard, I'd be lying if I claimed that I don't crave periods of simple nomadic wandering. I've booked a week down in Edinburgh for a training course in October, and I am so fizzy with anticipation at the thought of living out of one bag again, possessions to the minimum, drifting through hostels, quiet times spent writing and observing, learning some pretty amazing stuff at the training course for five days, and soaking in the experience of being adrift again. Travelling gets into your blood. While I may never take off for a year or more at a time again, I can't say I could settle for just two weeks a year either.

The upshot is, I've a strong desire to claim control and live my life doing what I love in a sustainable way, not to fit in with what needs to be, as dictated by a boss or a mortgage or a funding provider's short-term aims. Some people are always driven to do more, and some people aren't great at submitting to the way it is. I may be one of them.

Image by Irargerich

Once You've Got It, Would You Ever Give It Up? Working From Home

Poor Traildreamer is sorely neglected these days. The two things that drove it in the beginning were my dual passions of running and travelling.  Those two threads led to all sorts of rants and research into work culture, freedom and how to pursue your dreams. No wonder the Traildreamer blog has faltered since then - I've hung up my travelling shoes for the time being while I commit to staying in one place for a bit, probably about 3 years. I've hung up my running shoes due to injury. And many days I don't even make it into a pair of work shoes.

I work from home, often in pyjamas and slippers till lunchtime. I'm pretty passionate about my job, and have an excellent manager who's clearly sussed out that she gets the best work out of me by leaving me to it apart from a once monthly meeting and the odd email.

I'm still assimilating the novelty of this new work set-up. I often marvel at it, and speaking to colleagues in other areas of the Highlands who've been doing the same thing, they all say the same thing...

"How're we ever going to return to a normal work arrangement?" It's true. We were all selected for these jobs based on certain qualities and values, and this job has allowed those qualities to flourish. I have a job description, I have a laptop and a mileage reimbursement rate, and I have outcomes I have to achieve. But how I go about achieving those outcomes is entirely up to me. Help and advice is there for when I want to ask for it, but generally I'm trusted to get on with it entirely on my own. I love that.

Taking on that kind of working arrangement needs high levels of autonomy, integrity, discipline and creativity. And after working like that for several years, how would you go back to an office environment, hierarchies, knowing your place, being closely monitored and controlled, enforced dress codes, having to get approval for every decision or action, being told what to do...?

I think the answer to that is, you wouldn't.  Not if you could bloody well help it.  Would you?

Image by ansik