Do We Really Live In The Land Of The Free?

We're lucky, we live in the land of the free. Or do we?

Freedom of expression, freedom of speech are fundamentals of Western society. But since I started this blog, I've found myself reluctant to give away too much about myself that could identify me to the casual reader. Partly this has been about retaining a sense of privacy, and perhaps also a certain lack of confidence. But a big part of it has been a wariness of the powers that be.

When I was doing my professional training, our lecturers covered our future responsibilities. And one of these responsibilities would be to not bring our profession into disrepute. We were told a tale, repeatedly, about a group of female physiotherapists who were struck off because photos were taken and published of them on holiday - indulging in some topless skiing! Bit of a hoot that story. Was it even true? I don't know. But the moral was clear as day - what you do in your private life, can be justified grounds for disciplinary action if its deemed to be potentially damaging to your profession. So watch it!

In a previous job, a colleague of mine was very politically minded and frequently went on marches, always in a peaceful capacity I hasten to add. She used to joke that the authorities would certainly have pictures of her ugly mug on file (though was she really joking?). With the G8 protests coming up, she was getting all geared up for participating in the big day, when a senior colleague took her aside and advised her not to go. He warned that if anything happened, any sort of trouble or controversy that she could be connected to, it could impact on her job or her entire professional career.

In a world where 'freedom' is supposedly entrenched in our culture, it's depressing to hear stories like these - stories of people engaged in very benign activities who can still find their lives turned upside down by authorities that feel... what? Threatened? Undermined? A laughing stock? In reality, the cases of authorities or professional bodies actually taking action against individuals who show them up in some way must be miniscule and extremely rare. But the stories of it are rife - keeping us all in check through self-imposed regulation of what we say and do.

I don't have anything particularly radical to say. But nor do I tow the party line 110%. And with blogging, what emerges over the weeks and months is not planned out in advance. It evolves, and I don't know where it's evolving to. 

Blogging is all about self-expression, and when I find myself self-censoring just in case my profession gets wind of my personal opinions, I have to wonder. 

Just how free are we?

Photo by erix!

Do You Learn More After 'The Big Trip', Than During It?

I read a lot of blogs where people are gearing themselves for their first big trip, to ditch the routines and expectations of ordinary unfulfilling lives and Go Travelling.  And I also follow a lot of blogs where people are out there, right now, doing it, living their dream (I'm a wee tad envious of those people, it'll be sunny where they are now).  All the focus is on making it happen, and then enjoying it.  Rightly so too.  But...

What happens after the first Big Trip?  If I think about where I'm at right now...

I started this blog at the end of a major experiment in simplified and free living. I saved some cash, packed in my job, and set off to Australia for a year's experimentation. I experimented in trying not to work, trying not to need many possessions, trying to enjoy each moment, and trying to focus on the activities and passions that naturally emerge given true freedom, time and space.  Which, for me, turned out to be running, the great outdoors, writing, creativity, and close meaningful relationships.  I did it all, loved it, made the most of it, and didn't think to blog about it till after the fact (doh!).

The experiment was a success!  I came back with a clarity, a peace and a direction that was new and thrilling. I found a confidence in myself outside the norms of society that was positive and healthy and strong. Along the way, I found blogs and books by people who also had similar principals and goals, and I followed them closely (the Hobopoet, the 4 Hour Work Week, and The Art of Non-Conformity being three of the best).

I started this blog to try and keep myself on track.  To keep experimenting, and build on the experience to integrate simplicity, creativity, and a freedom from wage-slavery fully into my life, longterm.  Great goals, eh? 

Instead, something else has happened. I went back to my full-time job, and got a nice flat with my other half, and got my car back from my brother, and found there were lots and lots of things I 'needed' and simply must buy...

And all the simplicity, freedom, time and space evaporated. My 'year out' (now there's a telling phrase, who coined and propagated that one?) was nice, but as a model for a longterm lifestyle, surely ridiculous? The words 'unrealistic, irresponsible, and juvenile' all spring to mind. I write these thoughts down, and I realise that the brainwashing of modern society is working on me. I'm letting things slip, reverting to my old pre-freedom self.

So, has my experiment actually been a total failure?

No.  I've just been redirected a bit.  Out of those travels, I  have found a new direction and passion in relation to my work. Where before I was floundering a bit, now I'm focused.  Suddenly notions of social justice, equality, health and wellbeing really fire me up. Now, I have a more independent enquiring approach to my job that I didn't have before.  Its no longer enough, somehow, to just do my job each day, as expected, as instructed, and not concern myself with the things that really might make a difference.  I now know for sure that work is good and important (though I also now realise that the way many jobs are structured gets in the way of all that).

What I'm wondering is, can I combine the two types of success? Retain freedom, autonomy, simplicity and creativity as viable principals to guide my life. But also apply them as principals that may help others? Simultaneously strive for a job, a business, or an income that works to change the fucked-up priorities of our society, and improve things for all?

Following your passion, or your bliss, isn't just about hanging out on sunny beaches (though sometimes it is!). It's also about ensuring that the principals that you care passionately about are the core of everything you do.

Maybe you learn more after The Big Trip than you do during it?

Why 'Good Business Practice' Is Shooting Itself In The Foot

'Good' business does great by downsizing and streamlining, by paying its workers the minimum it can get away with for the maximum amount of work it can squeeze out. This is efficiency, and this is what it's all about. Our economy is founded on principals of cost efficiency and productivity. But does this mean our society should be too?

The idea is that if your company masters efficiency, and is a hard, fast, streamlined hive of productivity your company will succeed and you will become rich. Hooray. And if you don't own a company, but are a hard worker with in-demand skills, you should be alright. Well done.

But there will be a pay off. All the people who didn't cut it; who couldn't be fast enough, flexible enough, skilled enough... They can be streamlined out of your business model, but not out of existence. Just because they don't work for you, doesn't mean they're not going to be your problem. Consequences will result, whether through crime, unemployment, illness, disability, the feel of society or the cohesiveness of communities... We're all inter-related, inter-dependent, and can't all be boiled down to clever market forces. You may make great savings and great profit in your work, but there will be a cost somewhere along the line. It might be financial, which is easily understood in our economy and may provoke action (preferably by someone else). Or it may not be directly financial, which is more difficult. How do you price the human costs of unhappiness, exclusion, fear, loneliness, pain, anger or suffering? What goes around, comes around - in one form or another. Better surely to create a society that takes account of this cycle? That factors in the indirect human costs as well as the direct financial ones?

Running Gems: This Other World

9pm: out running through thick snow. Each footstep makes a clean squeak, a sound more satisfying than the pop of bubble wrap. Fox prints pepper the whiteness, and I dance round them as I run. Ice underfoot makes me pull back my pace, makes it cautious, steady and sustainable. In this other world, muffled under blankets of snow and darkness, I could go forever.

Picture by Aaron 

Running Update: Body Versus Brain

There've been no running posts lately, because there's been no running.  It seems I was a wee bit premature, thinking my achilles was basically fine. Instead I've found that yes I am ok pottering about a sedentary life of work, driving and mooching about the house... But set me loose on a run, and within five minutes, sharp pain spears through the appropriate bit of my ankle and I have to hobble home again. And in fact, the compromise of a brisk walk in the usual running slot didn't seem to be doing my injury any favours either. So, rest it is, and rest it will be for as long as it takes. Even if I have to miss the Lochaber Marathon in April, I have no intention of not being fighting fit for Loch Ness in October. So I'm just taking each day as it comes.

The mind may have accepted the situation, but the body sure as hell hasn't. It's funny how quickly the discomfort sets in. Within a day or so of no running, the lack of exercise has the muscles in my back feeling irritable and my spine feeling all clogged up. I try to kid my body, I try to con it, fool it with a vigorous 5 minutes of sit-ups and press-ups, the stretch routine, shower. 'Whaddya mean! Course we've been out running today! Can't you tell by the slightly raised heart rate and subsequent wash?!' Sometimes, very occasionally, it works... But usually it doesn't. The body knows fine.

What will be worse is when my body adapts, and no longer wants to go out running 5 days a week. Then I'm in trouble, because while the discomfort will have eased off, so too will every shred of fitness. I can't bear to even think about that.

How Travelling Can Give You Super-Hero Powers

Like Hiro in the TV series Heroes, I too can travel through time and space.

As I'm typing this post, it is this winter's first snow fall in the city. Big fluffly flakes of snow are cascading down and settling on the cars and bushes and buildings outside my window. And as I sit here I get a rush, backwards in time and across thousands of miles! Suddenly I am simultaneously sitting at my window in my little house in the north of Japan 8 years ago, watching the snow fall. Something about the light, the temperature, the sense of contented isolation having come home to an empty house after a day's work, is identical. It's not just that i can 'remember' it, it's that I can feel it, vividly.

Having travelled in real time and space once, I am able to travel back there again and again for the rest of my days. All I need, is the right sensory trigger. 

That's what travelling does for you, it gives you super-hero powers.

Why Value-Conflict Is Eating Me Up

For those of us who are sick fed-up with our jobs and believe there must be more to life, a big part of the problem is conflict at work.  I'm not talking about the petty, though aggravating, disputes with colleagues about silly things like re-filling the paper tray in the photocopier or washing up the coffee mugs. 

I'm talking about conflict between our values, and the values and expectations of our employers and the systems we work in.

I've been getting seriously wound up about my work.  The evidence for this is there for all to see, splattered all across my recent blog posts.    Why am I so wound up?  I love my work, don't I?  I'm a therapist; I help people, I like helping people, I'm pretty good at helping people. What's the problem? 

The problem is conflict.  There is a conflict between my personal world view and politics, and the world view and politics of my employer, and hence my job.  I am a gung-ho, fully-paid-up-member of any movement pushing for improved health, well-being, quality of life, rights, and opportunities. In the context of my job, that'll be for people with learning disabilities, mental health issues, or any other sort of disability. In the context of my life generally, that'll be for everyone!

But, I am not remotely gung-ho about the way our society is organised.  As far as I can see, our society either creates or exacerbates many mental health problems and disabilities. Our society also creates unhappiness, loneliness, fear, hopelessness, isolation, and stress.

My job expects me to help people towards improved health and well-being in the context of the wider society basically staying the same. I feel strongly that more than everything, it is the wider society that needs to change.

So there.

How Much Do You Want To Be Just Like Everyone Else? A Professional Rant

I am a health professional with bad attitude. No, really, it's true.

I'm decidedly dubious about much that underpins good proper professional practice in Health and Social Care.

What am I talking about? In Scotland, like many places, there is a move to provide care and support for people with learning disabilities in 'the community'. The idea is that everyone should access mainstream opportunities for work, leisure, living arrangements, and relationships. Notions of equality and diversity are central to this perspective. The consultation and report that underpins this approach in Scotland is called 'Same as You?' And that is what health and social care professionals work so hard to achieve - to give our clients the opportunity to be the same as you and me.  But...

What is good for me, isn't necessarily what is good for you. There are many different ways of doing things.  You just have to look at the sorts of people who follow this blog and others like it to see that the quest for 'something different' is huge.  But only the narrowest and most mainstream range of life choices is recognised in Health and Social Care circles.  This bugs me because:

• There are many people who neither thrive nor benefit from the mainstream ways of living, and the norm can be downright damaging to some.
• The social, cultural or economic influences underpinning what is 'mainstream' and why this is the case are never considered.
• There is an argument that the mainstream way of living is primarily organised that way in order to benefit the economy and the richest within our economy, not the ordinary person trying to live an ordinary life of health and happiness.

Notions like these are never considered in our professional practice, though during our tea-breaks we may well grumble about its impact on our personal lives.

Have an example. Increasingly, we are supporting people with learning disabilities to live in their own flats or houses, usually on their own, because this is considered the norm. No-one questions if this is necessarily the best option for a specific client, because nor is it questionned if it's the best option for anyone else. There are many people - with and without learning disabilities - living on their own who are lonely, isolated, depressed, anxious, or afraid. If someone does question it, it's pointed out that it's 'not normal' in our society to live in group homes, or to live with people who aren't immediate family. That smacks of institutional care, and by god you'll get the sack if you get caught leaning in that direction. But students live in Halls of Residence or flat-shares - some like it, some don't, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. It's an option, and some would continue with that sort of mode of communal living if they could; if it weren't so difficult to find the opportunity outwith a university context. Living in youth hostels while I travelled suited me just fine, and I met plenty people along the way who also liked and actively chose that kind of communal living. In other countries, the one-flat one-family unit model isn't so strictly normal.

Likewise, huge resources go into kitting up a client's new home with all the furniture, equipment, utensils and other objects that we all want and need. Some clients love this process and benefit from it, some really couldn't give a damn what colour or style their new suite is, or whether or not they even have one. No-one questions what exactly underpins this norm - a consumerist, materialist, isolationist society. And no-one questions whether that is something we should be aspiring to - either for our clients, or for ourselves.

The environmental impact of the 'normal' way of living - where we each have our individual house and all the individual items deemed necessary to furnish and equip a home - is absolutely never considered. Why should it be for a learning disability population, when its not for the general population?

In Health and Social Care, there are certain principals that guide our practice, and anything outside these principals really isn't our domain of concern. The social change we're chasing is that of equality for a certain sector of society that historically has been excluded, undervalued and mistreated. There is nothing wrong with that goal. But, it seems to me that in day-to-day practice we're often waylaid into focusing on the physical and material aspects of equality - 'normal' housing, furniture, clothing, possessions, and wherever possible, behaviours - an outwardly normal lifestyle. We are too busy, and often too stressed, to take the time to focus on the core spiritual and human aspects of equality - things like rights, responsibilities and respect. Strict adherence to an ethos of 'care in the community' often means that we cannot recognise individuals' needs that don't fit within dominant societal norms. We're meant to be 'person-centred' but that only goes so far under policy, time and budget pressures.  You're much more likely to get a 'person-centred' service if what you want is to be just like everyone else. 

We need to recognise and respect individuals' rights to be different from you or me.

Running Update: The Value of Frozen Peas

Frozen peas. What I've learned this week is that every runner should have a packet of frozen peas stashed close to hand. The achilles is aching, in a dull anxiety-inducing sort of way. To run or to rest? To ignore and ice it, or molly-coddle and indulge it? Wild weather at the weekend had me glad, sort of, to ease off and stay home instead of train as planned. But that's another long run missed, making the marathon goal that bit harder to attain. God damn it, injury is crap.

Picture by Andrew Michaels

Running Update: Achilles Crack Alert

Yesterday, the hard run went swimmingly. Back in the door; I stretched, showered, painstakingly updated the running diary. Ah... the satisfaction of rigorous training. And now for a cup of tea. In the kitchen, I put the kettle on, stretch up on tip-toes to the top shelf to pull down my favourite mug, and... felt a 'crack' in my left achilles tendon. No...! No no no no no no no... Panic gripped me, I cannot be injured: the training schedule leaves no room for recovery before the April marathon. And even without the marathon, I'll both go crazy and balloon in size without my running. Today, I think it's okay. It was a warning shot, not an injury. I've gone away, done my homework, and will be far more careful from now on. But still, fear ghosts round my ankles.

Image by Hello Turkey Toe